I find myself always looking for a reason to quit.

Almost as soon as I start, I am trying to get out of it again. Why? Do I get bored or am I afraid?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"So, what's the diagnosis, doctor?"

"It's deeper down than we feared...malignant possibly. I thought it might be a case of Say Yes syndrome, it was textbook really. But the lab tests show the truth; You are content with a life that is too small for you, but like a fully developed insect in a cocoon, it's beginning to shatter around you. You don't want to increase your responsibility because you fear increasing the magnitude of failure. This makes sense of course, because clearly, there was an amount of failure which you could handle, and there was an amount of control in your own life and the lives of others and events of the world that you did have."

"Well, what can I do? What's the treatment plan?"

"I could tell you to accept the fact that you are not in control of the universe, just you. Do your best and keep moving forward in life. However, knowing that you will just use that to rationalize your way out of actually doing anything at all and just try to make your self feel better saying you are working through a process, I'm simply going to say suck it up. Welcome to Life."

A Reason for War?

I am surprised that the problem of acid rain has yet to spark a war. Of all things, the fact that one nation's polution can cause acid rain in another, can contaminate food and water, damage crop productivity, and cause illness in their people seems like a reason to go to war. In past conflicts, nations have not hesitated to introduce biological warfare, causing widespread illness and death among another peoplee. Yet, in a time when water is more scarce than it has ever been before, when half of 1% of the earth's water is available for drinking, when massive quantities of that water are used to grow corn to feed cows or cotton to make jeans or for chocolate and coffee production, nations ignore acid rain almost entirely.

By no means do I mean to complain that people are not killing each other with their hands and weapons. But I cannot help but notice that they are poisoning each other and doing so with clear consciences.

Do, Don't just Talk

I know it's a bit cliche, but really, do what you love so that you can love what you do.
Follow your heart to the end of your dreams. I can't say what you will find there, but I know it will be worth finding out. I'd rather take a risk and have loved the journey than stay where I am and always wonder. That means something different for everyone. For some, that's falling in love and for others it's accepting solitude while for others it's going to a far away place.

Do something that scares you.

Do something that thrills you.

Do something to make this a better place.

Do, don't just talk.

Living in the Future

We’re living in the future, did you know? Yesterday’s future is today.  But I don’t seem to be living in the steel and glass constructions that were envisioned.  Instead, I see urban sprawl cover the face of the globe.  Sprawl may be too pleasant of a word to use.  The cities that we see springing up like flowers in spring are nothing more than elaborate slums. 

I am loathe to see my fellow man live in such conditions.  It makes you stop and think.  What does it take to bring happiness?  Where does joy come from?  What causes that unyielding hope that keeps them going?

In short, I think we have a lot to learn from the slum, both about human nature as well as our responsibility towards each other.

Stressful Relaxation or Relaxing Stress?

When one takes a relaxing semester, one might expect that semester to be something along the lines of, well, relaxing. Instead, I find myself posed with an odd sense of stress about all the peaceful joy. My time is not being frittered away. I am doing things I love, but somehow, it doesn't seem quite right.

Nothing in the history of who I am has prepared me for such a challange, but I will learn to relax. I think we all should learn that one.

Once that lesson is learned, I will likely return to the relaxing stress that is normal life in America.

An Oddity in Space and Time

It is strange that "cultured folk" tell us to stop and stare at art. They ask us to pause, critique and seek to understand the beauty and the message of the artwork. However, when you stop and stare and the wonderful beauty of the world which we inhabit, those same people stop and stare at you...like you are an oddity in space and time.

In Medias Res

Who we are is the unwitting result of our time. Our architecture, art, language, culture, ect. has been evolving through all of human history.

Suddenly, I find myself facing the reality of that truth; desiring to understand who I am in the context of human history--the culture I inhabit as what it is, a reaction to what has come before.

We are born in medias res. Thrust into the midst of a story that has been going long before us and which will continue after us, to know where we stand, why we are where we are, we must know where we've been.