A Quote

"Prayer isn't a time for holy thoughts, or purity, or carefully crafted phrases, she was discovering. It's a time for rage, for pain, for despair and hope. A time to sit in the dirt and joy of everyday life, to purge herself of the questions that plagued her by flinging them at God. Sometimes when she prayed, all she could do was sit there with her torso ripped apart and her guts in her hands. When you pray you sweat blood."

Laryn Kragt Bakker
Clutching Dust and Stars


So much, we fear letting it out. Letting what out? Everything. We fear that wild thing within us. That thing that feels and hurts and loves and that is beyond our control. We fear it and we fear for it. For if we let that out and it is rejected, our very soul, the core of our being, will have been rejected. There is no greater pain imaginable. Yet the joy to be found if we would just let it out--if we could just truly let ourselves be ourselves--would be immense, beyond measure.
Instead, we veil ourselves with pretense and social norms.
Humans are the only creatures on Earth so wrapped in self-hate that they constantly reinvent who they are and how they appear, refusing to embrace the truth of who they are.

Heart Transplant

I need a heart transplant.
I am afraid that mine simply will not do.
The blood is pumping but I can't
go on holding my breath for you.
Someone grab a syringe
I'm going to need a shot to the heart
to save me from myself. I won't cringe.
Stop my heart. Hit restart.
I'm begging you please.
Don't leave me with myself:
the judge impossible to appease.
Don't take the book on me and place it on the shelf.
I need a heart transplant.
I am afraid that mine simply will not do.
the beats are growing scant.
My lips are turning blue.
I'm going to need a shot to the heart
to save me from myself. I won't cringe.
Stop my heart. Hit restart.
I'm begging you please.
Give me something new;
Don't do what you always do.
I can't go on living
when my world is all deceiving.
There's nothing left to lose.
I've got nothing to excuse
No one and nothing anymore
Now I'm lying on the floor
Just the doctor at the door
ready to give me a heart transplant.